The Value of No

No.

It's a small word. In many respects it is one of the easiest words on this earth to say. Yet it is a word that I don't think I hear enough....at least not said to me.

This may come as a surprise to those who know me, but one of my greatest fears in life is to give and receive pain/painful experiences. In truth I am rather crippled by the fear that lurks at the inevitable rejection causing someone pain leads to. As such, no is a scary word.

Think about it. It has probably led to some of your most painful experiences in life. You may have once asked the question "do you love me?" only for its response to be "no". Perhaps it was "are we pregnant yet?"..."no". "Doctor is he/she going to live?"....you get the picture.

'No' carries a weight and finality that we wish it didn't.

Yet at the same time 'no' can simply be temporary- a road block. "Mum can I please have a bike?". The answer was no but 6 months later there you are riding like a maniac. Perhaps it was a job interview where one firm said no but 3 interviews later another firm said yes.

However, there are on occasion, times where no is the best word in the world. "Dad can I use that chainsaw?". "Hey Nathan, have you ever heard of the band One Direction?". And my personal favourite "Nathan would you like a cup of coffee?"....NO!

Here is my problem with society at the moment. Some people are not willing to say no to each other. As I outlined earlier, I get why it is a scary word but I can't help but feel we have cowarded (yes it is now a verb) out of saying it.

I have recently been talking with people via text messages and through facebook and have asked them to do things. Instead of telling me no they simply fail to reply.

How is this honouring? How does this communicate that I have value and worth to them?

Telling me no may disappoint me but it will not suggest a person doesn't care about me (unless of course the question was do you care about me? In which case it is pretty damning). Telling someone no conveys a respect that they at least deserve your honesty and acknowledgement. If I have to say no to you it is not because I am a jerk (although sometimes I am) but because I think highly enough of you as a person to let you know where I stand in regards to your proposition.

I don't like to say no but sometimes it is the only correct course of action.

If you love, honour and care for someone, no will end up being one of the most meaningful words in your vocabulary. Use it wisely.