Why I am a great listener...Just not all the time

I once did a personality test called the life languages test. In it there are seven categories that you get ranked in on a scale of 1-100. The higher the score the more you communicate yourself through that language.

The seven categories were (from my strongest to my weakest)

1. Shaper- Mould situations through leading people to conclude based upon evidence etc.
2. Contemplator- Rich thought life. Quiet, slow to move but usually accurate.
3. Mover- Likes to make things happen and happen quickly.
4. Producer- Likes to get things done but in the sense of getting results and producing the largest yield.
5. Responder- Responds to the needs of others and loves caring for people.
6. Doer- Loves to simply keep themselves busy and do tasks.
7. Influencer- Loves to lead people through suggestion and charisma.

Shaping is incredibly fun. In fact it is why I am a teacher. I get to shape minds constantly. However, the one I want to focus on tonight is the contemplator.

Each language has a key motivator and a key question (or so I am told). I loved the key question of the contemplator:

"Do I need to know this?"

This is a great question. If for no other reason than to weigh up the validity and importance of what a person is saying. If I believe I do need to know it- my attention will be all yours. The negative side though, is that, a contemplator, after asking this question and deciding it is not necessary, will go back to thinking about something that warrants their time, attention and energy. As such, they will no longer listen to what you are talking about.

This happens a lot with me. I start conversations with people and then realise I have stopped listening to them 10 seconds later. It turns out that making puns in my head is more interesting than what someone consumed for dinner last night.

It makes me wonder why I even ask small talk questions.

I guess the truth is that I genuinely want to get to know people but that I don't genuinely care about the "little things". This, of course, is a relative term but I want to get to know the real person inside not the bland, boring coating of pleasantries. (Yes I am fully aware that you have to earn that right by embracing people in those things...I don't make the best first impression).

My point is this. If you are talking to me and I tune out- I'm sorry. I don't mean to. I am subconsciously telling you that I am bored and want to talk of deeper and more meaningful things. I won't have earned that privilege but I promise you'll find me much more palatable if we can get there.